The Week’ is back. It’s Decafnation’s weekly commentary on anything that comes our way. We’ll show up in your inbox every Friday morning. This week, we write a speech for Mayor Manno, flip-off Aaron Gunn, dig into how much Valley taxpayers are sending to Campbell River, wonder if Josie Osborne could be the new BC NDP leader and some other stuff.

BUT FIRST, PUT ‘EM TO WORK

All three Comox Valley municipalities will be swearing in new council members and mayors this week, starting with the Village of Cumberland inaugural meeting at 5.30 pm on Monday, Nov. 2.

The Town of Comox and the City of Courtenay will inaugurate their six councillors and mayors on Wednesday, Nov. 4. Comox starts at 5 pm and Courtenay at 4 pm.

The Comox Valley Regional District will swear in new Electoral Area directors and municipal designates starting at 4 pm on Nov. 17.

MANNO’S IGNAUGURAL SPEECH?

My favorite uncle wrote speeches for several U.S. presidents and presidential candidates, such as Adali Stevenson. As a top dog in the Agriculture Department, he even begrudgingly wrote speeches for Richard Nixon when he campaigned in major farming states, and always boasted that Nixon lost in every one.

So with that lineage, I thought brand new Courtenay Mayor Manno Theos might tap me to write his inaugural address next Wednesday, when he and the new council are sworn into office. I haven’t heard from him, so I wrote a sample. It’s probably good he didn’t ask.

My fellow Courtenates,

One score and seven years ago, the warm people of this community welcomed me from Nanaimo into your city, where I couch surfed a couple of nights a week while I waited tables and sometimes appeared in-person at council meetings – but not often, ZOOM is my friend! Anyhoo, I say this because I always wanted to use that “score and seven” thing.

You may wonder why, as I address you today, I’m wearing a fluid, unstitched Chiton, the classic Greek tunic that symbolizes my ancestral roots. I want you to feel comfortable seeing me like this, just as I will appear on Zoom during many future council meetings. Hey! Relax, I’m just messing with ya.

But seriously, the point is change. I promised it during the campaign, though you may not know that because it was talked about on my private Facebook page where you weren’t invited. And change is going to happen. Big time. Huge.

The biggest change I will make on my first day in office is to lower the ridiculous expectations you have for my mayoralty. I would like to promise that I’ll focus on creating new economic drivers, lowering your property taxes and healing the sick. I would like to tell you that the homeless will be housed, that outdoor pools will be moved indoors, debts will be paid, bigger bridges and dams will be built and paper towels will replace those horribly loud air dryers in public restrooms.

But I can’t. I’m not Zeus, after all. I can promise you a good deal on a two-week spa vacation to a Greek island. Family and friends pricing!

I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m using the office for personal gain. But what do I care? I just got a $95,000 a year job with great benefits and a four-year no-cut contract. Beats smiling for tips.

I want to thank everyone who supported me and helped make up fake facts for my door hangars. A big shout-out to my wife who lives in Nanaimo and sometimes with me in Greece. And a special thanks to Trish McPhail — couldn’t have done it without ya, kid.

In conclusion, change is good. So, let’s have some fun while I figure out what that means.

WHO IS GUNN WORKING FOR?

Kudos to Courtenay-Alberni MP Gord Johns for calling out a Parliamentary colleague for dereliction of his duties.

While other Parliamentarians debated legislation and minded the business of our nation, North Island-Powell River MP Aaron Gunn was busy helping Conservatives get elected across the province.

“The BC conservatives aren’t simply tolerating Aaron Gunn’s divisive rhetoric, they’re actively giving him a platform during this election campaign, while Parliament is sitting,” Johns told the Nanaimo News Now. “Instead of being in Parliament standing up for his constituents, he’s out there obviously campaigning for his future job either as Premier or as leader of the Conservative Party.”

Johns said on social media that he questions Gunn’s priorities.

“Since Parliament returned this fall, I’ve risen 49 times in the House of Commons to speak on issues affecting our communities. During that same period, parliamentary records show that Aaron Gunn, the MP for North Island–Powell River, hasn’t risen to speak in the House even once,” he said.

Gunn was scheduled to speak to party faithful at an Alberni brewpub, but because of backlash over Gunn’s extreme views on residential schools, it was reported that party organizers moved an event from an Alberni brewpub to a secluded park.

We don’t know who Gunn is working for, but it’s not the people in the North Island-Powell River riding.

OSBORNE FOR NDP LEADER

The BC New Democratic Party chose a new interim leader yesterday: Jennifer Whiteside, the former cabinet minister and re-elected MLA for New Westminister-Coquitlam. Now, as the party searches its new permanent leader, we hope they consider Mid-Island Pacific riding MLA Josie Osborne, a former Tofino mayor, for the leadership. She has a good working relationship with Courtenay-Alberni NDP MP Gord Johns. Together, they could be a formidable provincial-federal team.

WHAT? VALLEY FUNDING CR BEDS?

What’s going on at the Comox Strathcona Regional Hospital District board?

In 2020, the board had accumulated some healthy financial reserves. Island Health said the board could contribute some of those funds to build a $25 million Health Hub in Courtenay.

Island Health currently has multiple offices in rental offices around the Comox Valley. Local directors have proposed moving all of the rental offices and some health-related non-profits into a single building. They argued a central hub would create better services for complex and integrated care.

But in December last year, Island Health informed the Hospital Board that it had nixed the idea of a Health Hub. Instead, only the new Long Term Care facility in Campbell River would proceed.

Island Health, which controls capital budgets and planning, suggested the board could contribute its reserves to build what is now slated as a $130 million long-term care facility in Campbell River. Dutifully, the Hospital Board voted last month to formally commit $53 million to the Campbell River facility.

This means that Comox Valley residents are currently on the hook to send $32.3 million, or 61 percent of the cost, to Campbell River and without any guarantee for a Health Hub facility in the Valley.

“Some of the big topics in the Comox Valley local governments sometimes fly under the radar,” Area A Director Daniel Arbour told Decafnation this week. “It will be interesting to see how the Province and the Comox-Strathcona Hospital Board work together to improve health infrastructure and services in the Comox Valley, after such a big investment by Comox Valley residents in Campbell River.”

A handful of the 10 Comox Valley directors who sit on the 24-member board took serious issue with that decision, but an overwhelming majority of Hospital board members voted to proceed. 

Here’s how the numbers break out.
Courtenay pays $12m or 37.2 percent
Comox pays $5.7m or 17.6 percent
Cumberland pays $1.8m or 5.6 percent
Area A pays $4.7m or 14.6 percent
Area B pays $3.6m or 11.1 percent
Area C pays $4.5m or 13.9 percent

IN OTHER ELECTION NEWS …

The funny business going on around the world in elections this week makes our recent provincial and municipal election chaos look rather … well, Canadian, by comparison.

President Donald Trump has been trying to sabotage the American Mid-Term Elections coming up Tuesday, Nov. 3. Trump’s interference in key states could get ugly before the voting is done. And if Democrats successfully flip Congress out of MAGA control, the Trump crowd could make things worse.

After record voting in Tuesday’s Israeli election, it’s still unclear whether current Prime Minister Netanyahu, the country’s longest serving leader, or his opponent will successfully piece together a majority coalition. Because Israel has a proportional representation system, no party generally wins a majority and has to form a coalition with other parties.

In Brazil, President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva won reelection, beating his right-wing opponent Sen. Flavio Bolsonaro by about three percentage points. Flavio Bolsonaro’s father is serving a 27-year prison sentence for attempting a coup to overturn his loss to Lula in 2022. And Flavio’s brother, who lives in the US, is serving a four-year sentence for attempting to coerce the judges with Trump administration help in his father’s case. So, of course, Flavio Bolsonaro fled to the U.S. where he’ll fit right in with Trump & Sons. The new American Dream.

Meanwhile, in Serbia, a student-led, leaderless movement called Student List, propelled its candidate to defeat the authoritarian strongman, Aleksandar Vucic, and take control of the country’s 250-seat Parliament. Since the party doesn’t have a leader and the students who founded it didn’t run for office, nobody knows yet who the next Prime Minister will be. The students nominated a list of “university professors, actors and farmers.” Sounds about right.

YOUR AI NOVEL WRITTEN IN SPACE

Finally, here’s an idea: Let’s launch AI data centers into space.